Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Another wet monsoon
Its raining.A lot.thats 3 long months of flooded streets, gunk on my feet, leptospirosis, ugly windcheaters, wet local trains, overflowing gutters, super lupe smelling like a damp blanket, my hair looking like a mop,that one proverbial day when the city stands still, jeans which refuse to dry,underwear which stays damp, flying umbrellas, lost umbrellas, bad net connection, johnny joseph's excuses , the disaster management team's assured incompetence,TV channels trying to get breaking news out of a drizzle,Tsunami/cyclone rumours allowing me to leave work early, gloomy depressing days, dengue......Ah, good times....
Monday, May 29, 2006
Dumb and Dumber
I do a lot of stupid things, so I thought I'd catalogue all of them ,so you know, I never get cocky and my grandchildren can make fun of me when I'm old and toothless
1. Happened 2 yrs back, I was doing my Masters in Baroda and would make trips to Mumbai to visit home on holidays, long weekends etc. So, once after a weekend in Mumbai, I was scheduled to leave on a sunday night, I went to the train station to catch my train to baroda at around 12 in the night, got in the train and saw someone else sleeping in my berth,Now it was late, I was sleepy, already cranky that I had to leave home and then some stranger occupies my berth, i woke him up rudely and told him that he had the wrong seat. He insisted it was his, I insisted it was mine. We both insisted a lot.There was a nice family occupying the other berths and the dad I'm guessing, asked me wot the problem was. I told him, he immediately took my side, considering that i was the nice girl travelling all alone at night and my seat hijacker was a suspicious looking man who probably ate babies (ok, i made that up...and yes, I will probably go to hell)...we finally got around to looking at our tickets, and well, the dad noticed that mine was for the next day. I wanted to crawl into one of my suitcases so tht no one would see me, instead i apologised to the man I wrongly accused of illegal berth occupation and baby eating and the family for disturbing them and the small crowd which had gathered, but they were probably enjoying it and ran away from that miserable train.....neverthless, from then on, i scan my train tickets a million times before setting foot on the train and i give suspicious looking men who occupy my seats the benefit of the doubt.
2.Happened a few weeks back...Lost my cell phone, My hands were full and my pants had no pockets , so at the atm, I left it at the side for a bit while i took some cash out. Ofcourse I didnt remember to take it back when I was leaving and that was the last I saw of it.
3. Happened 4 yrs back...It was the day after I got my driving license, was in my cousins car, who had double parked outside a store and gone inside. There was a huge traffic jam on the road and a policeman approached the car asking us to move it along as it was blocking the street, I figured I could handle it, and there wasnt any sign of my cousin and I was the only other person with a license in the car, so I went and started the car and promptly hit a guy on a bike in front of me, he fell off the bike and i nearly had a nervous breakdown.....My driving has improved since then, people dont run away in fright when i take the road.....though I stay away from guys on bikes.
4.A few days back...caught an episode of "the simple life"...there goes 30 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
5.A few hours back...accidently brought garlic when I meant to buy ginger, all the while telling the grocer, that i wanted ginger, him showing me garlic and me saying "thanks, thats wot I want".
6.A few months back....was on a local train returning from work at night, when I suddenly realised I had forgotten to buy a ticket, so I sat there for a few minutes debating, shd I risk it or get off and buy one. Realising I still had a long way to get home and I would probably get an ulcer worrying the TC would catch me, I get off the next station but I cant find the ticket counter and I've never been to this station before, anyway, i end up in some lonely place, with no one in site except some wierd looking men, so head back to the platform, but get into a train heading in the opp direction by mistake...shit, curse my luck, get off at the next sation and get into the right train, realise that I still dont have a ticket, get off at the next station and find the bloody ticket counter, get my ticket, head back to catch a train, reach home at some god forsaken hour , laughing at the bloody irony of it all, no TC showed up to check my shiny new ticket.
7. 3 yrs back....This was in Goa,I was in one of those paddle boats at a lake, allowed the boat to get well beyond the safe distance, because was too distracted letting my underage cousins paddle the boat, even though they werent allowed. Ended up getting stuck in some murky quick sand area and eventually had to be rescued by a 70 yr old man in a rickety old row boat that looked about to come apart....oh , the shame of it all...but to be fair, my older sister was in that paddle boat with me, so I'm gonna chalk that down to collective stupidity.
8. 2 months back...bought yellow pants...nuff said
9. 2 years back....new year's eve, had too much to drink, then had even more to drink, then just for fun had some more, then puked, then lost conciousness, then remember feeling cold, very cold, then remember reaching home and being hung over for the next 3 days...o, my poor liver...
You'd think I'd get smarter with age, I only seem to be becoming more of a tool. My, how I've grown as a person.....
1. Happened 2 yrs back, I was doing my Masters in Baroda and would make trips to Mumbai to visit home on holidays, long weekends etc. So, once after a weekend in Mumbai, I was scheduled to leave on a sunday night, I went to the train station to catch my train to baroda at around 12 in the night, got in the train and saw someone else sleeping in my berth,Now it was late, I was sleepy, already cranky that I had to leave home and then some stranger occupies my berth, i woke him up rudely and told him that he had the wrong seat. He insisted it was his, I insisted it was mine. We both insisted a lot.There was a nice family occupying the other berths and the dad I'm guessing, asked me wot the problem was. I told him, he immediately took my side, considering that i was the nice girl travelling all alone at night and my seat hijacker was a suspicious looking man who probably ate babies (ok, i made that up...and yes, I will probably go to hell)...we finally got around to looking at our tickets, and well, the dad noticed that mine was for the next day. I wanted to crawl into one of my suitcases so tht no one would see me, instead i apologised to the man I wrongly accused of illegal berth occupation and baby eating and the family for disturbing them and the small crowd which had gathered, but they were probably enjoying it and ran away from that miserable train.....neverthless, from then on, i scan my train tickets a million times before setting foot on the train and i give suspicious looking men who occupy my seats the benefit of the doubt.
2.Happened a few weeks back...Lost my cell phone, My hands were full and my pants had no pockets , so at the atm, I left it at the side for a bit while i took some cash out. Ofcourse I didnt remember to take it back when I was leaving and that was the last I saw of it.
3. Happened 4 yrs back...It was the day after I got my driving license, was in my cousins car, who had double parked outside a store and gone inside. There was a huge traffic jam on the road and a policeman approached the car asking us to move it along as it was blocking the street, I figured I could handle it, and there wasnt any sign of my cousin and I was the only other person with a license in the car, so I went and started the car and promptly hit a guy on a bike in front of me, he fell off the bike and i nearly had a nervous breakdown.....My driving has improved since then, people dont run away in fright when i take the road.....though I stay away from guys on bikes.
4.A few days back...caught an episode of "the simple life"...there goes 30 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
5.A few hours back...accidently brought garlic when I meant to buy ginger, all the while telling the grocer, that i wanted ginger, him showing me garlic and me saying "thanks, thats wot I want".
6.A few months back....was on a local train returning from work at night, when I suddenly realised I had forgotten to buy a ticket, so I sat there for a few minutes debating, shd I risk it or get off and buy one. Realising I still had a long way to get home and I would probably get an ulcer worrying the TC would catch me, I get off the next station but I cant find the ticket counter and I've never been to this station before, anyway, i end up in some lonely place, with no one in site except some wierd looking men, so head back to the platform, but get into a train heading in the opp direction by mistake...shit, curse my luck, get off at the next sation and get into the right train, realise that I still dont have a ticket, get off at the next station and find the bloody ticket counter, get my ticket, head back to catch a train, reach home at some god forsaken hour , laughing at the bloody irony of it all, no TC showed up to check my shiny new ticket.
7. 3 yrs back....This was in Goa,I was in one of those paddle boats at a lake, allowed the boat to get well beyond the safe distance, because was too distracted letting my underage cousins paddle the boat, even though they werent allowed. Ended up getting stuck in some murky quick sand area and eventually had to be rescued by a 70 yr old man in a rickety old row boat that looked about to come apart....oh , the shame of it all...but to be fair, my older sister was in that paddle boat with me, so I'm gonna chalk that down to collective stupidity.
8. 2 months back...bought yellow pants...nuff said
9. 2 years back....new year's eve, had too much to drink, then had even more to drink, then just for fun had some more, then puked, then lost conciousness, then remember feeling cold, very cold, then remember reaching home and being hung over for the next 3 days...o, my poor liver...
You'd think I'd get smarter with age, I only seem to be becoming more of a tool. My, how I've grown as a person.....
Monday, May 22, 2006
Its official...Arjun Singh is an idiot
I was appalled after I read this, maybe u will be too
Decision on quota is final: Arjun
CNN-IBN
Posted Sunday , May 21, 2006 at 20:58
Updated Monday , May 22, 2006 at 10:52
Karan Thapar: Hello and welcome to the Devil's Advocate. As the debate over the reservations for the OBCs divides the country, we ask - What are the government's real intentions? That is the critical questions that I shall put today in an exclusive interview to the Minister for Human Resource Development Arjun Singh.
Most of the people would accept that steps are necessary to help the OBCs gain greater access to higher education. The real question is - Why do you believe that reservations is the best way of doing this?
Arjun Singh: I wouldn't like to say much more on this because these are decisions that are taken not by individuals alone. And in this case, the entire Parliament of this country - almost with rare anonymity - has decided to take this decision.
Karan Thapar: Except that Parliament is not infallible. In the Emergency, when it amended the Constitution, it was clearly wrong, it had to reverse its own amendments. So, the question arises - Why does Parliament believe that the reservation is the right way of helping the OBCs?
Arjun Singh: Nobody is infallible. But Parliament is Supreme and atleast I, as a Member of Parliament, cannot but accept the supremacy of Parliament.
Karan Thapar: No doubt Parliament is supreme, but the constitutional amendment that gives you your authorities actually unenabling amendment, it is not a compulsory requirement. Secondly, the language of the amendment does not talk about reservations, the language talks about any provision by law for advancement of socially and educationally backward classes. So, you could have chosen anything other than reservations, why reservations?
Arjun Singh: Because as I said, that was the 'will and desire of the Parliament'.
Karan Thapar: Do you personally also, as Minister of Human Resource Development , believe that reservations is the right and proper way to help the OBCs?
Arjun Singh: Certainly, that is one of the most important ways to do it.
Karan Thapar: The right way?
Arjun Singh: Also the right way.
Karan Thapar: In which case, lets ask a few basic questions; we are talking about the reservations for the OBCs in particular. Do you know what percentage of the Indian population is OBC? Mandal puts it at 52 per cent, the National Sample Survey Organisation at 32 per cent, the National Family and Health Survey at 29.8 per cent, which is the correct figure?
Arjun Singh: I think that should be decided by people who are more knowledgeable. But the point is that the OBCs form a fairly sizeable percentage of our population.
Karan Thapar: No doubt, but the reason why it is important to know 'what percentage' they form is that if you are going to have reservations for them, then you must know what percentage of the population they are, otherwise you don't know whether they are already adequately catered in higher educational institutions or not.
Arjun Singh: That is obvious - they are not.
Karan Thapar: Why is it obvious?
Arjun Singh: Obvious because it is something which we all see.
Karan Thapar: Except for the fact that the NSSO, which is a government appointed body, has actually in its research in 1999 - which is the most latest research shown - that 23.5 per cent of all university seats are already with the OBCs. And that is just 8.5 per cent less than what the NSSO believes is the OBC share of the population. So, for a difference of 8 per cent, would reservations be the right way of making up the difference?
Arjun Singh: I wouldn't like to go behind all this because, as I said, Parliament has taken a view and it has taken a decision, I am a servant of Parliament and I will only implement.
Karan Thapar: Absolutely, Parliament has taken a view, I grant it. But what people question is the simple fact - Is there a need for reservations? If you don't know what percentage of the country is OBC, and if furthermore, the NSSO is correct in pointing out that already 23.5 per cent of the college seats are with the OBC, then you don't have a case in terms of need.
Arjun Singh: College seats, I don't know.
Karan Thapar: According to the NSSO - which is a government appointed body - 23.5 per cent of the college seats are already with the OBCs.
Arjun Singh: What do you mean by college seats?
Karan Thapar: University seats, seats of higher education.
Arjun Singh: Well, I don't know I have not come across that far.
There's more and it gets worse, you can read the entire thing here
Link
what the fuck?? this ignorant asshole wants almost 50% reservation and he has no idea about actual numbers of anything? does he know how stupid he sounds with those lame ass answers?...."the parliament is supreme", " I am just a servant" , "it is obvious".....what a load of crap.
I am not against reservations, nor do i have anything against OBCs,SCs,STs, but are increasing reservatons really the way to go? does caste override merit? Is this really fair to millions of students who study their asses off trying to get into the IITs, IIMs, AIIMS etc, to only realise that in the end that all their hard work doesnt count for shit? And really, arjun singh and his cronies arent doing this out of the goodness of their heart, for them the OBCs r one big gigantic vote bank. I mean has anyone tried to find out if increasing reservations are really going to make a big difference? how much have reservations in the past helped? its obvious from his interview that arjun singh is not interested in this, he thinks he can impress us with his rhetoric about the supremacy of the parliament and socialism and good of mankind and all that other bullshit.....well no one's buying that, this is divisive politics at its best
And just to add, if he cared so much about the OBCs, you'd think he'd atleast bother to find out how many of them there are.
Decision on quota is final: Arjun
CNN-IBN
Posted Sunday , May 21, 2006 at 20:58
Updated Monday , May 22, 2006 at 10:52
Karan Thapar: Hello and welcome to the Devil's Advocate. As the debate over the reservations for the OBCs divides the country, we ask - What are the government's real intentions? That is the critical questions that I shall put today in an exclusive interview to the Minister for Human Resource Development Arjun Singh.
Most of the people would accept that steps are necessary to help the OBCs gain greater access to higher education. The real question is - Why do you believe that reservations is the best way of doing this?
Arjun Singh: I wouldn't like to say much more on this because these are decisions that are taken not by individuals alone. And in this case, the entire Parliament of this country - almost with rare anonymity - has decided to take this decision.
Karan Thapar: Except that Parliament is not infallible. In the Emergency, when it amended the Constitution, it was clearly wrong, it had to reverse its own amendments. So, the question arises - Why does Parliament believe that the reservation is the right way of helping the OBCs?
Arjun Singh: Nobody is infallible. But Parliament is Supreme and atleast I, as a Member of Parliament, cannot but accept the supremacy of Parliament.
Karan Thapar: No doubt Parliament is supreme, but the constitutional amendment that gives you your authorities actually unenabling amendment, it is not a compulsory requirement. Secondly, the language of the amendment does not talk about reservations, the language talks about any provision by law for advancement of socially and educationally backward classes. So, you could have chosen anything other than reservations, why reservations?
Arjun Singh: Because as I said, that was the 'will and desire of the Parliament'.
Karan Thapar: Do you personally also, as Minister of Human Resource Development , believe that reservations is the right and proper way to help the OBCs?
Arjun Singh: Certainly, that is one of the most important ways to do it.
Karan Thapar: The right way?
Arjun Singh: Also the right way.
Karan Thapar: In which case, lets ask a few basic questions; we are talking about the reservations for the OBCs in particular. Do you know what percentage of the Indian population is OBC? Mandal puts it at 52 per cent, the National Sample Survey Organisation at 32 per cent, the National Family and Health Survey at 29.8 per cent, which is the correct figure?
Arjun Singh: I think that should be decided by people who are more knowledgeable. But the point is that the OBCs form a fairly sizeable percentage of our population.
Karan Thapar: No doubt, but the reason why it is important to know 'what percentage' they form is that if you are going to have reservations for them, then you must know what percentage of the population they are, otherwise you don't know whether they are already adequately catered in higher educational institutions or not.
Arjun Singh: That is obvious - they are not.
Karan Thapar: Why is it obvious?
Arjun Singh: Obvious because it is something which we all see.
Karan Thapar: Except for the fact that the NSSO, which is a government appointed body, has actually in its research in 1999 - which is the most latest research shown - that 23.5 per cent of all university seats are already with the OBCs. And that is just 8.5 per cent less than what the NSSO believes is the OBC share of the population. So, for a difference of 8 per cent, would reservations be the right way of making up the difference?
Arjun Singh: I wouldn't like to go behind all this because, as I said, Parliament has taken a view and it has taken a decision, I am a servant of Parliament and I will only implement.
Karan Thapar: Absolutely, Parliament has taken a view, I grant it. But what people question is the simple fact - Is there a need for reservations? If you don't know what percentage of the country is OBC, and if furthermore, the NSSO is correct in pointing out that already 23.5 per cent of the college seats are with the OBC, then you don't have a case in terms of need.
Arjun Singh: College seats, I don't know.
Karan Thapar: According to the NSSO - which is a government appointed body - 23.5 per cent of the college seats are already with the OBCs.
Arjun Singh: What do you mean by college seats?
Karan Thapar: University seats, seats of higher education.
Arjun Singh: Well, I don't know I have not come across that far.
There's more and it gets worse, you can read the entire thing here
Link
what the fuck?? this ignorant asshole wants almost 50% reservation and he has no idea about actual numbers of anything? does he know how stupid he sounds with those lame ass answers?...."the parliament is supreme", " I am just a servant" , "it is obvious".....what a load of crap.
I am not against reservations, nor do i have anything against OBCs,SCs,STs, but are increasing reservatons really the way to go? does caste override merit? Is this really fair to millions of students who study their asses off trying to get into the IITs, IIMs, AIIMS etc, to only realise that in the end that all their hard work doesnt count for shit? And really, arjun singh and his cronies arent doing this out of the goodness of their heart, for them the OBCs r one big gigantic vote bank. I mean has anyone tried to find out if increasing reservations are really going to make a big difference? how much have reservations in the past helped? its obvious from his interview that arjun singh is not interested in this, he thinks he can impress us with his rhetoric about the supremacy of the parliament and socialism and good of mankind and all that other bullshit.....well no one's buying that, this is divisive politics at its best
And just to add, if he cared so much about the OBCs, you'd think he'd atleast bother to find out how many of them there are.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Enough about me
every super hero needs a side kick, someone to take the blame for ur stupidity, someone whose cape u can borrow,someone whose costume looks more stupid than yours, someone with dubious sexual orientation (and i'm looking at you Mr robin), someone u can make fun of and feel better about urself......so, i have one too, SUPER LUPE, he doesnt have a costume, clothes, he says, restrict his movement. which i dont get, because, what movement? he doesnt move, he sleeps on his ass all day and forget dubious sexual orientation, i am more concerned about his dubious hygiene, he refuses to take a bath, i think he's afraid shampoo will steal his modjo.But he'not completely useless, i mean he has super powers, he has toxic drool , he has this unbelievably limitless storage of saliva, anything his spittle touches becomes instantly....umm, u know..icky.
And he doesnt work alone, he gets seasonal help from his army of fleas and other friendly parasites...
But every superhero has their kryptonite, and so does Super lupe...actually super lupe has many kryptonites, in fact, i'm going to make a list, these are a few things which cause our intrepid super hero to completely lose any ounce of self control and sometimes bladder control too
1. balls
2. ballons
3. any round circular object
4. caps
5. hats
6. any kind of head gear
7. little girls
8. little boys
9. any kind of little person
10. ice cream
11. chocolate
12. sausages
13. anything edible really
14. albino dogs and their crotches
15. the general crotch area actually
right, thats about it, if kept away from all of these things, super lupe is capable of fuctioning as a completely efficient side kick and is able to cover my ass on many occasions.....well maybe not my ass, but the general crotch area definetely.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
super invisible girl goes to the gym
the other day i noticed something, i was looking into the mirror and realised that my spandex looked kind of funny on me....let me explain, its all in the rule book, all super heroes can wear costumes made of spandex only. You may make fun, but Men need to wear their underwear on the outside and the women need to wear the tightest fucking spandex possible, so that all assets are amply on display to the general public. Anyway, while spandex is great because its lightweight, resistant to body oils, perspiration, coffee stains,blood stains, green goo etc, and its all stretchy too, there's one big problem, if you dont have the body of catwoman its wholly unflattering to the figure. Its like every imperfection is blown up for everyone to point and make fun of. So the other day, looking into the mirror, i heard myself asking the question every superhero dreads, "does my spandex covered ass look big in this this?"
so i joined a gym, i think I already lost a little weight stressing about the ridiculously high fees I had to pay and how I'd obviously have to skip dinners on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays to make up for it. Anyway, the gym wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, I expected to be surrounded by oversized muscles and washboard abs, but everyone else seemed as out of shape and as confused with that 2 in 1 magnetic cycle rower as i was.
And so i continue my tryst with the gym, it wont be long before i possess the perfect set of abs and kylie minogue's pert bottom....there's always hope....and if it doesnt work out, well, thank god I'm invisible
so i joined a gym, i think I already lost a little weight stressing about the ridiculously high fees I had to pay and how I'd obviously have to skip dinners on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays to make up for it. Anyway, the gym wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, I expected to be surrounded by oversized muscles and washboard abs, but everyone else seemed as out of shape and as confused with that 2 in 1 magnetic cycle rower as i was.
And so i continue my tryst with the gym, it wont be long before i possess the perfect set of abs and kylie minogue's pert bottom....there's always hope....and if it doesnt work out, well, thank god I'm invisible
Monday, May 01, 2006
I'm Back!...and still invisible
I must be the worst blogger ever,its been 2 yrs since my last post. I am sorry that i left all my readers (on last count 2...but growing by the minute) hanging in the air like that. I know everyone wants to know what has super invisible girl been upto...and she has been very busy indeed. In the past 2 yrs, i have finished my bachelors, begun and completed my masters , and will be very soon starting my Phd, yes i like to collect them degrees. You'd think that being a superhero was enough, and who needs all this education, but listen up boys and girls , its tough being superhuman these days, it ain't how it used to be. Sure, you can take down the 10 mutant fire-eating giants with one blow, and you saved Gotham city from almost certain destruction on tuesday, but can you tell me the square root of 816753 raise to the 8th power? can u? if u can't, u just dont make the cut.
anyway,I look foward to writing more about my adventures and hopefully
unless my arch nemesis the dreaded, most evil than there ever was,
PRO. KRASTIN ASHUNN , catches up with me, you will certainly not have to wait 2 yrs for my next post.
anyway,I look foward to writing more about my adventures and hopefully
unless my arch nemesis the dreaded, most evil than there ever was,
PRO. KRASTIN ASHUNN , catches up with me, you will certainly not have to wait 2 yrs for my next post.
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