Dumb and Dumber

I do a lot of stupid things, so I thought I'd catalogue all of them ,so you know, I never get cocky and my grandchildren can make fun of me when I'm old and toothless

1. Happened 2 yrs back, I was doing my Masters in Baroda and would make trips to Mumbai to visit home on holidays, long weekends etc. So, once after a weekend in Mumbai, I was scheduled to leave on a sunday night, I went to the train station to catch my train to baroda at around 12 in the night, got in the train and saw someone else sleeping in my berth,Now it was late, I was sleepy, already cranky that I had to leave home and then some stranger occupies my berth, i woke him up rudely and told him that he had the wrong seat. He insisted it was his, I insisted it was mine. We both insisted a lot.There was a nice family occupying the other berths and the dad I'm guessing, asked me wot the problem was. I told him, he immediately took my side, considering that i was the nice girl travelling all alone at night and my seat hijacker was a suspicious looking man who probably ate babies (ok, i made that up...and yes, I will probably go to hell)...we finally got around to looking at our tickets, and well, the dad noticed that mine was for the next day. I wanted to crawl into one of my suitcases so tht no one would see me, instead i apologised to the man I wrongly accused of illegal berth occupation and baby eating and the family for disturbing them and the small crowd which had gathered, but they were probably enjoying it and ran away from that miserable train.....neverthless, from then on, i scan my train tickets a million times before setting foot on the train and i give suspicious looking men who occupy my seats the benefit of the doubt.

2.Happened a few weeks back...Lost my cell phone, My hands were full and my pants had no pockets , so at the atm, I left it at the side for a bit while i took some cash out. Ofcourse I didnt remember to take it back when I was leaving and that was the last I saw of it.

3. Happened 4 yrs back...It was the day after I got my driving license, was in my cousins car, who had double parked outside a store and gone inside. There was a huge traffic jam on the road and a policeman approached the car asking us to move it along as it was blocking the street, I figured I could handle it, and there wasnt any sign of my cousin and I was the only other person with a license in the car, so I went and started the car and promptly hit a guy on a bike in front of me, he fell off the bike and i nearly had a nervous breakdown.....My driving has improved since then, people dont run away in fright when i take the road.....though I stay away from guys on bikes.

4.A few days back...caught an episode of "the simple life"...there goes 30 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

5.A few hours back...accidently brought garlic when I meant to buy ginger, all the while telling the grocer, that i wanted ginger, him showing me garlic and me saying "thanks, thats wot I want".

6.A few months back....was on a local train returning from work at night, when I suddenly realised I had forgotten to buy a ticket, so I sat there for a few minutes debating, shd I risk it or get off and buy one. Realising I still had a long way to get home and I would probably get an ulcer worrying the TC would catch me, I get off the next station but I cant find the ticket counter and I've never been to this station before, anyway, i end up in some lonely place, with no one in site except some wierd looking men, so head back to the platform, but get into a train heading in the opp direction by mistake...shit, curse my luck, get off at the next sation and get into the right train, realise that I still dont have a ticket, get off at the next station and find the bloody ticket counter, get my ticket, head back to catch a train, reach home at some god forsaken hour , laughing at the bloody irony of it all, no TC showed up to check my shiny new ticket.

7. 3 yrs back....This was in Goa,I was in one of those paddle boats at a lake, allowed the boat to get well beyond the safe distance, because was too distracted letting my underage cousins paddle the boat, even though they werent allowed. Ended up getting stuck in some murky quick sand area and eventually had to be rescued by a 70 yr old man in a rickety old row boat that looked about to come apart....oh , the shame of it all...but to be fair, my older sister was in that paddle boat with me, so I'm gonna chalk that down to collective stupidity.

8. 2 months back...bought yellow pants...nuff said

9. 2 years back....new year's eve, had too much to drink, then had even more to drink, then just for fun had some more, then puked, then lost conciousness, then remember feeling cold, very cold, then remember reaching home and being hung over for the next 3 days...o, my poor liver...


You'd think I'd get smarter with age, I only seem to be becoming more of a tool. My, how I've grown as a person.....