Everything's gone to hell, I expected as much, but still, to see it actually happen is almost too much to take. I can't talk about details because its too personal, but I still want to say something, because the tension and the waiting is killing me, and I dont know what else to do.Its easy now in hindsight, to think and say, "well I could have done that".....coulda/woulda/shoulda...if only life were that easy, I still think I did what I thought was best, was it indeed the best thing to do? I dont know, but thats what I thought at the time, still do, but people close to me are hurt, disappointed and I wonder if things will get back to normal...a part of me thinks it will eventually, time is the great healer and all that crap...and a part of me wonders what was normal anyway? Wasnt there enough resentment, anger,unsaid words... that something had to give.
I am glad its now out in the open atleast, things will only get worse, but atleast the lying has stopped (somewhere at the back of my mind i wonder though, how little I was bothered with all the lies, I wonder what that says about me)
The next few days are going to be ugly, messy, painful and I probably wont blog much, or maybe I will, I think it would be just like me to write some idiotic post about magic raincoats or something, anything to escape the shit that I find myself in.
For one person atleast, I hope we are all able to get past this.
I have now been staring at my screen for the last 15 mins, debating whether I should delete all of this, I am embarrased at my soppy outburst... but I'm going to keep it I think,not because I want sympathy from my blog readers (the cynic in me says you don't have any readers anyway),infact I'm afraid people will judge me too harshly... but because years from now I want to say that atleast once, I was honest about my feelings......even if to a bunch of faceless strangers.
2 comments:
what SIG is very cyptically going on about is how her younger bro hid the fact that he lost a year in college because of bad attendance...both his sisters didnt tell the folks either. after a year, the lie exploded in all our faces.
you cant leave your readers (3 of them)hanging with an obtuse post...
anyways SIG, give it a year, nobody will even remember this shit.
poppy o..u stole my thunder, I was going to reveal it all in one big confessional post...oh well, nothing left to do but enjoy the next few yrs as the black sheep in the family...on the bright side, we have one more story to tell at parties.
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